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THE BAND

TOM PETTY OFFICER

// vocals

 

A superb set of lungs and can solo on the spirit level for hours on end, if not heavily sedated.

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Stands in for John Howard at functions.

DESMOND DECKHAND

// guitar

 

Has mastered every style of guitar playing known to man. Never plays the same guitar twice.

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Could be Sean Nolan's twin brother.

CHARLIE FINDUS

// bass

 

A wizard on the guessing stick and whatever the other one's called. A solid bottom end. Unlike the Titanic.

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Has been compared with Micky Ash on occasions.

RINGO STARBOARD

// drums

 

The most rhythmic set of feet and hands in the known world.

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Looks a bit like Gary Wilson in certain lights.

SHERYL CROW'S NEST

// keyboards

 

Has been playing piano since just before lunch.

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Bears striking resemblance to Dave Griffiths before reconstructive surgery

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