THE BAND
TOM PETTY OFFICER
// vocals
A superb set of lungs and can solo on the spirit level for hours on end, if not heavily sedated.
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Stands in for John Howard at functions.
DESMOND DECKHAND
// guitar
Has mastered every style of guitar playing known to man. Never plays the same guitar twice.
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Could be Sean Nolan's twin brother.
CHARLIE FINDUS
// bass
A wizard on the guessing stick and whatever the other one's called. A solid bottom end. Unlike the Titanic.
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Has been compared with Micky Ash on occasions.
RINGO STARBOARD
// drums
The most rhythmic set of feet and hands in the known world.
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Looks a bit like Gary Wilson in certain lights.
SHERYL CROW'S NEST
// keyboards
Has been playing piano since just before lunch.
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Bears striking resemblance to Dave Griffiths before reconstructive surgery